who's the sick one here?

dear god,

i visited the children's ward at sick kids hospital in toronto recently. i am wowed by their blissful sense of ignorance and acceptance towards their ill-begotten fates...

they're probably, in some way, deserving of such torture, huh?

dear god,


thanks for not letting moses kill his son. that was a nail biter...

also it was a bit melodramatic.

fair isn't fair

dear god,

i understand remorse... that's a bad feeling because of something i may have done. but for crying out loud, what's with smiting us with sorrow when it's not our fault?

that just sucks!

right hand man

dear god,

i want to be rich,wealthy, famous and answer to nobody...

am i too young to be the pope?

resume

dear god,

how's that 'plan' of yours coming along? it must be tough managing all the details by yourself...

are you hiring?

reception is poor

dear god,

please stop the butterflies from flapping...

it's playing havoc with my TV reception.

twenty twenty

dear god,

thank you for clearing up the dark clouds, rain and all the crap that came with it although you didn't really have to do that...

i could already see clearly.

oblivious anyways

dear god...

if you happen to see me staring into space today just ignore me...

i can't really see you anyways.

HELLooo??!!

dear god,

it's been a year since her passing. i'm a bit better now. please say hi for me and tell her i miss her.

sorry, no sarcasm today.

winnings

dear god,

thanks for the big win on monday night...

do you take visa?

da bears!

dear god,

i promise to be less sarcastic in the future
if you will let the chicago bears go undefeated
and win the superbowl this year...

i'll even share my winnings with you.

my cup runneth over... in style

dear god,

i've just moved and i can't unpack my boxes
fast enough. there's just too much of it.
by the way; have you seen prada's fall lineup?

i have to have it!

(courtesay of amyD)

good idea

dear god,

if you had't created silicon we wouldn't
have computers or places to blog. we also
wouldn't have fake tits...

as much as i prefer natural beauty, thanks!

silly woman

dear god,

i'm looking around your wonderful storefront
and i have decided that i'd like to get my 'x' a gift.
it's been sometime since we split and i think it would
be a nice gesture on my part...

where do you keep the brains?

what's the plan man?

dear god,

someone told me recently it may be true
that things dont happen for a reason and that
you may not actually have "a plan". instead,
you have apparetnly given us all the ability to
learn how to cope...

lmao! that's comedic genius if i ever heard it.

fingers

dear god,

i hear people say that you are everywhere. that
you are all knowing and all seeing...

how many fingers am i holding up?

rewind

dear god,

the bible says that you help those who help
themselves. great!...

please pass the remote control with the
enhanced rewind feature.

see poor channel surfing

who's due?

dear god,

remember the time when i was in high school
and i promised never to have sex with my
girlfirend again if you would just make her
have her period? well it turns out she had
some kind of abnormal uterus thingy and could
neither menstrate or have babies...

so, i think you owe me one.

searching...

dear god,

there is nothing 'common' these days
about "common sense"...

what shall we rename it?

character wanted

dear god,

i've come to the conclusion that
no one is ever 'humble & ignorant',
or 'arrogant & well-rounded'...

ever notice that?

big gulp

dear god,

please bless juan valdez and tim horton's. also,
please provide juan with something other than
an ass to harvest his product...

it makes him look poor.

serenity now!

dear god,

the serenity prayer really gets under my
skin in a bad way. could you please get
rid of it for me...

or is that something you have accepted
as being beyond your power to change?

ewwwww!!

dear god,

all that "begatting" that happened in
genesis... i read it backwards...

that was pretty incestuous don't you think?

splat!

dear god,

my stock broker is losing my money
and won't return my phone calls.

please open his penthouse office
window for him.

duhhhhh

dear god,

please smite me with ignorance and pride
and remove my means for reasoning and logic.

it seems to be working for my ex.

celestial convict?

dear god,

i saw a larry king episode where an ex-con was
talking about his time in prison and how he and
many other in-mates found you during their stay?

what were you in for?

bad aim

dear god,

please bless the gun manufactuers and bullet
makers everywhere...

and blind people.

empty handed

dear god,

despite the fact that i continue to get gifts
from them, i no longer believe in santa claus
or the easter bunny.

where does that leave you?

let's reschedule

dear god,

are you only listening at 11:00 on sunday
mornings? cause i'm usually busy at that time.

can we reschedule?

where's the beef?

dear god,

if you didn't create vegetarians we would
have more burger joints.

i'll give you that one.